Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
