if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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