The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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