this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
