I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
