its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
