never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
