Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
