I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
