We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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