There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
