the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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