Im at strip club and am horny
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
