hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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