i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
