No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
