Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You may now shotgun with the bride
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
