And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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