There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
