would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
