i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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