ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
