I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
