Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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