trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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