is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
