She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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