After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
