Just fell off a train. Bad.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
