True but thats because hes a fetus.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
