I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
