apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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