The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
