her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
