Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You brought string cheese to the strip club
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
