I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
