I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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