You smell like stripper and shame
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
