when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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