either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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