So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
