I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
