my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
