there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize