He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
