using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
