This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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