Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
