I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
