but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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