Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
