btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
