She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
