my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
