I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
They have beer where we have blood.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
