Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
