You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
