She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
