I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
