the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
