You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Randomize
