My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
