Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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