Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You smell like stripper and shame
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
