I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I didn't notice because vodka
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
