Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
how drunk are you?
Several
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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