Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
