I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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