The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
