i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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