So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
