i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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